Death of Possibilities

Sometimes the biggest regret in life is not getting to know those that are here. Time is too precious to put off visits and calls. Life is short and goes by quickly. There are people around your that would benefit greatly from knowing you; love and hug while you can. The pain from the death of possibilities never attained hurts. A similar severe pain I have felt from mothers losing infant that they never got to meet or know. I felt a version of this from the death of my son as well. He died so very young that he didn’t get to experience life beyond childhood. Tears open one’s heart with that reality of the death of possibilities - his, mine and all those that loved his and those that didn’t get the chance too.

My Aunt recently died. I wanted to know my Aunt more all of my life. But try as i may, that door that i kept opening was never walked through. Though i am extremely happy that the last few years we did communicate some. It felt as they we spoke through the closed door - never being let in.

I am well aware of the sadness of grief and how it adapts and shifts a bit for every human and situation. However, the thing that remains the same is the sadness of loss. In this case, it is the loss of opportunity of finally getting to know my Aunt.

I am extremely grateful, however, for the times that we did talk. She told me she appreciated the numerous times I invited her to online Think about Thinking sessions I held, even though we both know she would never attend. It was a way of keeping her involved in my life and letting her know that I valued her and wanted her to be in my life.

I feel the pain of un-resolved issues between my mother and her. They communicated through me and i did get witness of the care (love) they both still had between them underlying their communicating and trusting obstacles.

Love sent my dear Aunt. I hope that you are in the warmth of your loved ones that have passed before you. I picture you with your mom, dad and son. As I remember my great grandmother and great grandfather through childhood memories; I become aware of how the kindness and love of their hugs helped to strengthen the foundation of my being.

Lessons learned from her life and passing, I am still processing and digesting. However, i do know that "Everything can happen for a positive reason and time is my friend." Love and kindness sent to all that knew her and for those that spent this time reading my pondering.